Dave Gahan (Right) and Martin Gore (Left), from Depeche ModeRating:
PG-13 (Drugs, Cursing, Drama, Kissing)THIS STORY IS FICTION!!! Although I mention some things that actually happened to Dave, this is 98% fiction!!!!!
(Part 1 can be read here: click.)
I really missed Martin. There was a constant ache in my heart because I wanted to be with him, but I felt as if I couldn’t. More than the fact that it wasn’t safe to go out with my friends, Fletch was making me nervous with his constant reminders to “keep it a secret”. While I knew he had good business sense, I was constantly living with the fear of being “found out”. Also, while Fletch didn’t condemn our gayness, I knew he looked down upon us a bit. I thought that if I forced myself to be apart from Martin, he would get angry with me and eventually say, “Fuck you, Dave. I hate your guts.” But... neither of those things happened. His loving nature amazed me. Even though I had hurt him, he only treated me with kindness.
After everything, I resorted to hard drugs and alcohol. I thought that if I drank and drugged enough, I would forget about what Martin and I had together. Of course, that didn’t work either.
I tried everything I could to forget Martin. I drank, did hard drugs, and moved to Los Angeles. I tried to kill myself, but didn’t succeed. I overdosed, died for two minutes, but was rescued. Nothing worked; No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape my desire for him. So, I gave up trying to escape. I went into rehab for 9 months, got clean, and returned to the UK.
Soon after my return, we began working on a new album together. Martin was coming up with really great tracks and my voice hadn’t lost it’s old sound, despite not taking care of it for the past year. Fletch was his usual self; Productive and focused.
Martin, surprisingly enough, now seemed distant from me and resentful. It occurred to me that it might be too late to patch things up between us, but I still held hope within. I knew that this was my one and only chance to make things right between us; To finally get what we wanted, but what I had denied us.
One night, after Fletch left early and Martin was left in the studio alone with me, I felt that time was right. Martin was gathering his notebooks and things, about to head home. I almost lost my nerve as he was standing before the door, but I suddenly stood up from my chair and walked toward him, until I was about a meter away. “Martin, wait.” He turned to look at me and the look in his eyes was one I had never seen before. “What do you want David?” He asked, already exasperated. “Martin... I’m sorry.” I said. He only sighed and looked down, so I continued. “I’m sorry that I put you through so much unnecessary pain. I’m sorry that I left our relationship like that. I’m sorry that I spent more than 11 years trying to run away from you and the truth, only because I was afraid of other people’s opinions. I’m so sorry
Martin walked past me, his shoulder close to mine for a brief moment, and sat his books down in front of the soundboard. He ran his fingers through his curly hair and turned to me with angry eyes.
“You know what?! I’m really resenting you right now! You broke up with me through an argument and then left me hanging for 11 years! I knew that you weren’t over me and you knew it too! You always kept letting me hope we had a future together, with your looks and touche and everything! You strung me along for a long time and you know it!” He stepped closer and shoved me, hard, which caused me to stumble backwards. “Then!” he continued, “You go to the states and fuck yourself up and come back like nothing happened?! You didn’t almost
die, you died
! Do you realize how worried I was?!” His eyes were beginning to water now, and his voice was cracking. “You put me through hell and back, David!!! I was in love with you and you left me without even a good excuse!!” He wiped his eyes angrily.
“I’m sorry, Martin!! I’m sorry!! I was selfish and I didn’t think about your feelings or what you wanted as much as I should have! I never stopped loving you and I’ve spent too long trying to escape that fact! Ever since that day in the bus, it’s been like that... I don’t want it to run from you anymore! I want us to have what I denied us so long ago! Please tell me it’s not too late, Martin! Please!”
He was crying and I pulled him tightly into my arms. He was fighting against me, pushing his hands into my chest and trying to get away from me, but I refused to let him go. Finally, he stopped fighting, but slid to his knees. I followed after him and wrapped my arms around him. He was sobbing and grasping the lapels of my jacked with two fists. He looked at me with watery eyes, “Goddammit Dave, can’t you see? Can’t you see that I’ve always been waiting for you to come back to me!” He placed his hands on both sides of my neck, “Of course it’s not to late, you damn fool.” He said, with a smirk at the end.
“But Martin, I thought you resented me?” I asked, relieved and confused. He placed his forehead on mine and said, “I just got resentful after waiting too long for an apology. But... You’re here now, and you’ve apologized after realizing how wrong you were. I can’t resent you anymore because... I love you. I never stopped loving you.” I smiled and said, “And I never stopped loving you.”
Though we were older and had a few more wrinkles, it felt like all the drama of the past 11 years had never happened. Martin’s presence was so comforting; I never wanted to lose him again. “I’ll never let you down again, Martin. I promise you that.” I said softly, next to his ear. “I know, Dave.” He smiled, and I felt his hands upon my face. As he pulled me in and our lips met, I felt as if nothing in the universe could be anymore perfect than the feeling I felt right now.
I fell back onto the carpeted floor, Martin above me. With his hands on my face and neck, I felt I could hardly breathe. He pulled away for a moment, and breathed out. “Oh, Dave.”
Then, he rested his head upon my chest peacefully. Yes... This is how it should be. This was the great reward.
We’d still have to hide our relationship from the public. Times hadn’t changed that much. However, I knew that I would never left anything come between us again. We were destined to be together and I knew that, regardless of the problems that arose, we would be able to trump them together.“All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, is here, in my arms.”
A/N: Sorry for not posting this sooner. There were some formatting issues and so I was dreading trying to post it. Please comment if you liked it. :-)