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Jul. 9th, 2016


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I made it to 24. I didn't think I'd make it this far. 

Aug. 11th, 2011



Pairing: TOP from Big Bang & his younger, FTM transgender lover (a man born with a female body).
Rating: NC-17 (oral sex, vaginal sex, squirting~, cussing)
Cautions: The word "p*ssy" is used in this story.



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Dec. 26th, 2010

Martin and Dave

What I Want (Part 2/2)

Dave Gahan (Right) and Martin Gore (Left), from Depeche Mode
Rating: PG-13 (Drugs, Cursing, Drama, Kissing)
THIS STORY IS FICTION!!! Although I mention some things that actually happened to Dave, this is 98% fiction!!!!!

(Part 1 can be read here: click.)


I really missed Martin. There was a constant ache in my heart because I wanted to be with him, but I felt as if I couldn’t. More than the fact that it wasn’t safe to go out with my friends, Fletch was making me nervous with his constant reminders to “keep it a secret”. While I knew he had good business sense, I was constantly living with the fear of being “found out”. Also, while Fletch didn’t condemn our gayness, I knew he looked down upon us a bit. I thought that if I forced myself to be apart from Martin, he would get angry with me and eventually say, “Fuck you, Dave. I hate your guts.” But... neither of those things happened. His loving nature amazed me. Even though I had hurt him, he only treated me with kindness.

After everything, I resorted to hard drugs and alcohol. I thought that if I drank and drugged enough, I would forget about what Martin and I had together. Of course, that didn’t work either.

I tried everything I could to forget Martin. I drank, did hard drugs, and moved to Los Angeles. I tried to kill myself, but didn’t succeed. I overdosed, died for two minutes, but was rescued. Nothing worked; No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape my desire for him. So, I gave up trying to escape. I went into rehab for 9 months, got clean, and returned to the UK.

Soon after my return, we began working on a new album together. Martin was coming up with really great tracks and my voice hadn’t lost it’s old sound, despite not taking care of it for the past year. Fletch was his usual self; Productive and focused.

Martin, surprisingly enough, now seemed distant from me and resentful. It occurred to me that it might be too late to patch things up between us, but I still held hope within. I knew that this was my one and only chance to make things right between us; To finally get what we wanted, but what I had denied us.

One night, after Fletch left early and Martin was left in the studio alone with me, I felt that time was right. Martin was gathering his notebooks and things, about to head home. I almost lost my nerve as he was standing before the door, but I suddenly stood up from my chair and walked toward him, until I was about a meter away. “Martin, wait.” He turned to look at me and the look in his eyes was one I had never seen before. “What do you want David?” He asked, already exasperated. “Martin... I’m sorry.” I said. He only sighed and looked down, so I continued. “I’m sorry that I put you through so much unnecessary pain. I’m sorry that I left our relationship like that. I’m sorry that I spent more than 11 years trying to run away from you and the truth, only because I was afraid of other people’s opinions. I’m so sorry.”

Martin walked past me, his shoulder close to mine for a brief moment, and sat his books down in front of the soundboard. He ran his fingers through his curly hair and turned to me with angry eyes.

“You know what?! I’m really resenting you right now! You broke up with me through an argument and then left me hanging for 11 years! I knew that you weren’t over me and you knew it too! You always kept letting me hope we had a future together, with your looks and touche and everything! You strung me along for a long time and you know it!” He stepped closer and shoved me, hard, which caused me to stumble backwards. “Then!” he continued, “You go to the states and fuck yourself up and come back like nothing happened?! You didn’t almost die, you died! Do you realize how worried I was?!” His eyes were beginning to water now, and his voice was cracking. “You put me through hell and back, David!!! I was in love with you and you left me without even a good excuse!!” He wiped his eyes angrily.

“I’m sorry, Martin!! I’m sorry!! I was selfish and I didn’t think about your feelings or what you wanted as much as I should have! I never stopped loving you and I’ve spent too long trying to escape that fact! Ever since that day in the bus, it’s been like that... I don’t want it to run from you anymore! I want us to have what I denied us so long ago! Please tell me it’s not too late, Martin! Please!”

He was crying and I pulled him tightly into my arms. He was fighting against me, pushing his hands into my chest and trying to get away from me, but I refused to let him go. Finally, he stopped fighting, but slid to his knees. I followed after him and wrapped my arms around him. He was sobbing and grasping the lapels of my jacked with two fists. He looked at me with watery eyes, “Goddammit Dave, can’t you see? Can’t you see that I’ve always been waiting for you to come back to me!” He placed his hands on both sides of my neck, “Of course it’s not to late, you damn fool.” He said, with a smirk at the end.

“But Martin, I thought you resented me?” I asked, relieved and confused. He placed his forehead on mine and said, “I just got resentful after waiting too long for an apology. But... You’re here now, and you’ve apologized after realizing how wrong you were. I can’t resent you anymore because... I love you. I never stopped loving you.” I smiled and said, “And I never stopped loving you.”

Though we were older and had a few more wrinkles, it felt like all the drama of the past 11 years had never happened. Martin’s presence was so comforting; I never wanted to lose him again. “I’ll never let you down again, Martin. I promise you that.” I said softly, next to his ear. “I know, Dave.” He smiled, and I felt his hands upon my face. As he pulled me in and our lips met, I felt as if nothing in the universe could be anymore perfect than the feeling I felt right now.

I fell back onto the carpeted floor, Martin above me. With his hands on my face and neck, I felt I could hardly breathe. He pulled away for a moment, and breathed out. “Oh, Dave.” Then, he rested his head upon my chest peacefully. Yes... This is how it should be. This was the great reward.

We’d still have to hide our relationship from the public. Times hadn’t changed that much. However, I knew that I would never left anything come between us again. We were destined to be together and I knew that, regardless of the problems that arose, we would be able to trump them together.

“All I ever wanted, all I ever needed, is here, in my arms.”

A/N: Sorry for not posting this sooner. There were some formatting issues and so I was dreading trying to post it. Please comment if you liked it. :-)

May. 7th, 2010

Martin and Dave

What I Want (Part 1/2)

 Dave Gahan (Right) and Martin Gore (Left), from Depeche Mode
Rating: PG-13 (Drugs, Cursing, Drama)
THIS STORY IS FICTION!!! Although I mention some things that actually happened to Dave, this is 98% fiction!!!!!


Ever since I first heard his voice in 1980, I have loved him. Ever since I first met him, I something serious was going to go down between us. It was “written in the sky above.”

My primary job in the band was to compose songs for Dave to sing. It was a task that gave me more satisfaction than writing songs for myself to sing.  

After about six years, in 1986 and during the release of Black Celebration, I couldn’t contain my feelings for him anymore. One night, I mentioned it to Dave while we were in the studio alone. He was scared at first and reluctant to respond to my confession, he eventually admitted that he’d felt the same way for “quite a while”. After that, we spent many pleasure-filled nights together, his skin against mine. Because we were both still in “the closet” to everyone but ourselves, we put a lot of effort into hiding the fact that were in a relationship with each other. One thing we did often while touring was rent two separate hotel rooms and agree to converge in one of them at a particular time.

One night, however, everything changed when Fletch caught us being intimate with each other. We were in the very back of our tour bus and, thinking everyone was asleep, we kissed each other. Fletch happened to wake up a few moments before then and was heading towards the restroom in the back of the bus, so he caught us kissing. Fletch had been suspecting there was something between us for a long time and this only confirmed his suspicion. He was angry with us at first, saying the we “get control of ourselves” and “be practical.” Because Fletch had put himself in charge of maintaining the band’s business, he said it was not good for two gay men to be the leading members of an up-and-coming band. This was especially in the UK, during the 1980s and after the passage of Section 28. “Now is not the time,” Fletch had told us, “so you have to keep this well-hidden if you’re going to keep acting this way. I don’t really care what you do with each other, but I’m going to let something like this bring the band down.”

This was distressing for me and Dave to hear. We snuck around for about another year, being even more careful than we had previously been, but this began to get to Dave. Though he was always a little shy, he’d become more outgoing in previous years. He liked to be out with other people and he liked to drink as well. Now he was afraid to go with friends because he was afraid of accidentally saying something about our relationship. He hated how, when we did go out, he couldn’t be too friendly towards me. He didn’t like living with all this worry and it was driving him crazy. He couldn’t live confined and I couldn’t live without him.

One night, his frustration levees broke and we began arguing in my hotel room. He was upset and was saying that he wanted a life of his own, that he couldn’t handle having hide everything like a criminal. I begged him to stay, saying that I needed him in my life, that I loved him. However, he left me and stormed away to his room while I cried, alone.

The next morning, I laid in bed and ran through the argument in my mind. I remembered his facial expressions, the way he’d spoken to me, our last kiss in the middle of the argument, and how he’d had to pry his hands away from my grasp. Running through it all, I realized that that he didn’t really want to leave me; He was doing it for our the good of the band and because he felt pressured. I believed that he didn’t want to end our relationship, but felt pressured into it.

I saw him in the afternoon and he looked like he hadn’t slept much. We exchanged many awkward glances throughout the day and they only reassured me that the love was still between us. We may have been living our separated lives now, but the emotions between us were never spoiled; They were never ruined.

“Don’t say you want me. Don’t say you need me. Don’t say you love me. It’s understood.
Don’t say you’re happy, out there without me. I know you can’t be, cause’ it’s no good.”

A/N: I already have the second part written, so you don't have to worry about this being another unfinished story. (I'm notorious for leaving stories unfinished, I know.) 
If you enjoyed this story, please comment. I spent almost all day working on it. I'll post the second part as soon as I get a comment or two. :-)
Sorry if the font is weird, I typed this in Google Docs.

Dec. 6th, 2009


Raining (Chapter 2/??)

Raining (This Chapter: PG-13)
Pairing: Jonghun/Hongki
Written by ZB24

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Dec. 5th, 2009


Raining (Chapter 1/??)

This is a fanfiction which I started on LOVEFT-I this week. I decided to post it here as well. This is not the big, revolutionary fanfic I've been talking about. This is something separate, haha.

Raining (This Chapter: PG)
Pairing: Jonghun/Hongki [Click their names for individual pictures.]
Written by ZB24

Read the story here.Collapse )

Oct. 3rd, 2009


Small Status Update

Hello everyone! 

I just wanted to let you know that there has been some progress with regards to the new fanfiction. 

I have a pretty good idea of how I want it to flow and what topics I want to cover. 

I will be sharing a title and prologue as soon as they come to mind. 

In addition to this, I want to post some new j-rock fiction soon. A lot of people have disappeared from my f-list, so I need to get my name back out there. I have been super busy with school though, so it may be a while.

Thank you for sticking around and reading this, 


PS: Once again, if you have any suggestions, feel free to share! ;-)

Sep. 4th, 2009


New Fanfic Coming. (Possibly!!)

Hi みんなさん.

I know it has been a long~ time since I've posted here, months actually.

I haven't had many ideas of things to write, but lately I've thought of something.

I really want to write a story that challenges people's perceptions gender identity and sexual orientation...
It's complicated because I don't want to make anything worse, but you just DO NOT see many romantic stories with people who don't conform to gender stereotypes.

I don't want to reveal too many details, because I want you do be surprised when you read it, but I think I may be onto something good.

I don't know whether to create original characters or to use a celebrity, but I think it would be easier for me to write if I used a celeb.

So~ If you're interested in this concept or want to offer a suggestion, leave a comment below! Or send me a LJ message. (^_^)

Thank you for reading this post. I'll let you know if I think of anything important relating to this new story.



May. 5th, 2009



Hello everyone!!

I just wanted to post and let you know that I've made a new journal for all of my personal posts!!!

The new journal is visualxjinsei !

Feel free to add me (if I already know you)!! <3


Mar. 24th, 2009


The Promise (Chapter 6/??)

The Promise (This Chapter: PG)
Written by ZB24

Click here to read.Collapse )

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